The fog of flu season

There are some seasons I feel like this kid catches everything. Like he’s always sick. Yet other days I realize he’s been that way ever since he was tiny and realize it’s not as bad as it used to be. Today I watched him come back to himself after his fever broke. As if it was just another ordinary day, he bounces back so swiftly.

Yet as often as we find ourselves here it never gets easier. I still find myself up all night. Still find myself listening to his breathing next to me. Still find myself watching his chest rise all through the night. Waiting to make the call if we should stay or go. All the close calls from years past will surface in deep anxiety. It never gets easier.

But I have found that through being his mother I have become braver. I have learned that I can handle it.

For now it feels like a just another day in the past. For now we say our thank you’s and carry on. But I always want to remember the moments that that you became stronger and I became braver. Even though it never gets easier, together we are growing little love.