Here’s the thing about anxiety or postpartum OCD. It doesn’t care about being inconvenient. Nor does it care what others or even you think. It just shows up whenever it damn well pleases, in the middle of your plans, even though you know almost all of the fear is completely illogical and ridiculous.
There’s no off switch.
I’m flying out and back on a bonsai trip for my besties book launch next week. As soon as I started strategizing, planning and organizing (my spiritual gifting) I could feel the wave beginning to take over. Fears of flying started to rise and I’m not even on my way yet. Nightmares from the oh so kind postpartum OCD began to swirl uncontrollably in my head about leaving my kids. Anxiety began to consume me physically. Robbing any joy I might have had in that moment of what should (and is) exciting.
This is the life many live but never talk of. In the midst of the storm I’ve learned to hold fast to my lifesavers. I know God is always there no matter what and reciting scripture has always brought comfort. My best friend understands more than anyone my journey and what it means to walk with these battles. Not once does she dismiss them, rather she always walks through them with me.
A lifesaver does not make the storm or drowning waves go away. It doesn’t look at you and say this isn’t real, knock it off, stop being silly. Rather it’s thrown in the middle of the storm as it rages on. It cares not what the weather is doing. It’s only job is to surround you and pull you back in.
So here’s to another day of walking forward while giving anxiety and postpartum OCD the middle finger. And for having your lifesavers. May they always reach you in your storms.